I hate athleisure

And there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.

If you’ve never fallen asleep in a full ballet getup, allow me to set the scene.

Your scalp throbs in pain from the impressive grip of 30 bobby pins that hold your bun in place on the crown of your head, making it impossible to sleep on your back. The waistband of your pink tights leaves a tender imprint in your stomach and hips (yes, even the ‘seamless’ ones). The straps of your skin-hugging lace leotard cuts harsh pink marks into your shoulders. Your skin is sticky with last nights sweat, a result of running La Esmeralda en pointe until it was near perfect, despite exasperated limbs and aching ingrown toenails.

I could have unravelled my slick bun when I got home from the studio, removed my uncomfortable uniform and showered off the perspiration and hair gel. But I was consistently exhausted. That final drop of energy to slip on comfy pajamas — because let’s be real, a shower was out of the question — was irretrievable after a full day of high school, dance and homework. In the studio, I was graceful and sleek. But when I got home, I was just gross.

Maybe this is where my detest for athleisure stems from. I’ve never associated athletic clothing with comfort. Leggings and a sports bra signified sore muscles and getting yelled at. I lived in gym wear, not by choice, but by necessity. There was nothing leisurely about it.

I’m being dramatic. It’s not like I’m traumatized by nylon and spandex. I slip on a pair of biker shorts every time I work out. I just can’t imagine choosing to wear a skin-tight athletic set to go to brunch or to go shopping. The thought of my body being so exposed in a non-athletic situation makes my stomach lurch toward my spine.

According to a hasty and non-fact-checked Google search, the athleisure market was valued at $394.24 billion in 2023 and is expected to rise to $1,069.84 billion over the next decade. I don’t even know how to pronounce that number. So clearly, I’m missing something.

After living in Chicago for a year, I’m accustomed to being the only one in jeans at a café. The girlies of the Windy City love a little Lulu Lemon. For the gym, great. For a hot girl walk, perfect. To play tennis, of course. But to breakfast? To day drink? I can’t get behind it.

Part of it also stems from my disdain for dressing exactly like everyone else. And I’m not sitting here on my high horse calling anybody out for following trends or dressing ‘basic.’ I’m talking about people literally wearing the exact same articles of clothing.

I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a group of girls walking around Lincoln Park wearing identical workout dresses — same style, same color, same brand. What is it about athleisure that makes girls so comfortable looking utterly identical to their peers? Why is it that, if we showed up to a party wearing the same mini-dress as someone else we might roll our eyes, but if we all show up to the hot-girl stroll in matching athletic sets we don’t so much as bat an eye?

And why is it that America is the only place where athleisure really exists? The antique cobblestone streets of Europe are not flooded with Alo and Set Active, nor are they overtaken by similar European brands. Leisurewear still has an air of, how you say, put-togetherness that America simply lacks.

And here is what really gets me. Call it what you want — leisurewear, loungewear — what we put on to sit around, to rot, to rest, to relax is what we wear when we are being lazy. So if you aren’t working out in any way shape or form, why do you get to pretend that you are? Why are we cosplaying going to the gym? Why are we masking our patriotic laziness under a tight layer of spandex?

One final note. This isn’t about judging people. Ultimately, what one wears is their choice and has no effect on my life. It’s about trying to understand this phenomenon that has completely taken over the retail market.

** Disclaimer: this post does NOT apply to my friends who love athleisure because 1) they are my friends whom I love very much and 2) they are so cute they get an athleisure pass. **